A Father's Advice to Emancipated Daughter

Dear Jackie,

You laid a pretty big one on Mama last night; I heard about it this
morning. As you no doubt know, the information that you want to move out has hurt her, as I suspect it would have, no matter when you told it to her. Deep down she realizes this too.

I'm taking this method of talking to you because, as you know, almost
every time I attempt to talk with you, we end up having an argument; things
are left unsaid, or said and not meant, and we end up hurting each other. Sad to say, but this is a fact. Perhaps by putting my thoughts to you on paper it will alleviate some of the anguish of such an encounter.

I can understand your wish for independence from your mother and father,it is the normal course of events. What Mama and I are concerned with is several different things. First and foremost I suppose, is that every mother wishes her daughter to marry before moving in with a man. It is the way she and I were raised, even though in our case it was different; she had already had you by another man and I was getting a divorce. Too, I was thirty-one years old and your mother was twenty-six when we met, you and Al are a bit younger than that.

Living with someone prior to marriage, while it may have some good
points, it doesn't always work out. It isn't like buying a new or used car,
where you try it out before buying it, that is always recommended. There is
no commitment on either party (legally) whenever they decide to live together. One can split whenever he/she wishes without incurring any obligations of the other. This transitory alliance bothers me. Besides, it’s an abomination in God’s eyes.

At the moment, from what I've been told, Al is only working part time
as a bar-back; he has no steady income. This means that your job and income is what you would be using to live on. It may or may not be enough to meet your bills and keep a roof over your head and food in the kitchen. I also was under the impression that Al would be going to college sometime in the near future. He would have to get a job part time and attend school and do the necessary schoolwork for a four to six year period. You should be aware of how difficult this can be; and this hasn't factored in the possibility of kids coming into the picture. And today, even with a college diploma, there is no guarantee that one would be able to find employment in a field of choice.

Your Mama and I both like Al; he appears to be a nice man, very person-
able. We only wish that you would wait until you had more tangible proof of some kind of commitment from him - like maybe an engagement - which is also customary. True, those can be broken, but at least it would be a sure sign of intent.

If you're determined to go ahead with your plans for moving in with Al,
several things should be considered. Hopefully, the apartment you will be renting will be furnished, because as you know, Mama doesn't want you to take your bedroom furniture with you. Her reasoning is that you would probably have to move it back in at a later date anyway.

Setting up house keeping isn't going to be easy even if it's a furnished apartment. You will still need to buy all your dinnerware, silverware, pots and pans, etc. You had best give up the idea of eating out all the time, you won't be able to afford it. That's another thing, you'll have to learn how to cook too. Then there's the utilities, such as gas/electric to pay, phone bills, groceries, gas and maintenance on the car, and the inevitable unexpected expense for repairs. And another thing to take into consideration is that you might get pregnant; what to do, have it or have an abortion? What kind of consequences will that have?

All these things come to mind when I think of the scenario of you moving out of the house and into an apartment with Al. The decision is yours, you're an adult now and while we can try to persuade you otherwise, it is you who must make the final choice. No matter what choice you do make, we want you to know that we will always love you and we want you to be happy! Know too, that your home will always be with us, no matter where you are living.

Love, your


Dad